20 Eyebrow Lifts
by BeautifulCrimsonChaos
Summary: Funny stories of the Enterprise and her crew dealing with the boredom of five long years in space. How about some practical jokes and unfortunate accidents to pass the time? And luckily, there's always someone to take a photo or video to show everyone at the Welcome Home Ball! Short stories connected to photos, all involve Spock.
1. Chapter 1: The Vulcan Joke Record

**A new story! This is supposed to be humour, I though perhaps a break was due from my usually heavy, hurt/comfort stories.**

**Summary: A collection of planet-exploration missions that went really wrong. Light-hearted humour and drabbles.**

"...So"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Is it just me, or did this plan not go so well?"

"Negative, it is not just you. However, after a year of serving under you, one becomes used to such fruitless endeavours as to try to get you to think logically."

"Why, Spock! I believe you just used humour!"

"It is not beyond me, Captain. But that is entirely illogical and beside the point. If we are to escape, we must do something rather drastic."

Spock twisted from around, taking in everything from his vantage point of hanging by his wrists. He was used to Kirk's far-fetched plans by now, but this was one of the worst. How could anyone see logic in trying to offer flowers up to slavering monster? He honestly didn't care what book Kirk had read it in, double-headed, fire-breathing snakes did not take kindly to flowers, except to incinerate them.

"Soooo..." it was Kirk again, "Do you have any mathematical calculations about how long it's gonna be before this thing tries to eat us?"

"Approximately 2.7 minutes, Captain."

"Well, you didn't HAVE to tell me...I was just, um, wondering..."

"You asked. I simply supplied you with the data that I had collected, as is my..."

"You say _duty _one more time and I'll shoot you with my phaser once we get back on the ship, you hear me?"

"Indeed, it would be unwise to trifle with one as dangerous as you right now."

Spock raised an eyebrow, taking in Kirk's bloody form.

"That's two jokes in one day, Spock! I believe you've set a new Vulcan record!"

**How do you like it? This one wasn't very good, but I swear it will get better later on. Please, reviews are welcomed and treasured.**

**S4E**


	2. Chapter 2: Something Under The Bed

**Ok, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed or followed my story. I didn't realise so many people would like it...I've never been very good at humour. Thanks to...**

**-MusicalNinja15, elysenjazz, n8163, Lucreace**

**-Angel of the Midnight Sea, GreenfreakOut, Sargerogue, n8163, person2309**

**-GreenFreakOut, Joker-Girl-Kelly, Lucreace, Miyako Hiragawa, Sargerogue, elysenjazz, n8163, wickaholic**

**This chapter is really cute, at least I thought it was. I'm going to Drumheller for a week, so no more updates until next Saturday...aww!**

**II**

Spock never thought he would get used to sleeping on new planets. There was something about it that made him feel odd.

Tonight was no exception. The planet Statelinn was very humid and moist, the air was dense and hard to breath. And there were insects everywhere.

Normally, insects didn't bother Spock. It was illogical to fear them when they probably feared you more. However, that philosophy wasn't quite correct on Statelinn. Here the bugs were huge. The crawled everywhere, slipping like ghosts in the shadows. The smallest were the size of large dogs, and the biggest more like horses. Spock didn't know how the natives survived.

And now, as he tossed and turned restlessly in bed, he kept on feeling things around him. First it was just a beagle-sized ant ambling carelessly along the perspiration-covered wall of Spock's tiny room. Then a beetle stomped by outside. Spock rolled over, trying not to think about what would be next.

And then his mattress moved. At first it was just a little shift, so Spock thought he had perhaps subconsciously moved, but then it came bigger, until the whole bed moved up and down in tidal waves. Of course, Spock was now standing on the floor, wearing a bathrobe, watching in horrified fascination. Suddenly, the mattress stopped heaving and a leg began to poke its way through the rough fabric. Wrapping his bathrobe tightly around him, Spock opened the door, and, being sure to lock it carefully behind him, made his way into the steamy hallway, down to Kirk's room. Once inside, he gently shook his captain awake.

"Dammit, whasgoinon?" Kirk mumbled groggily.

"I have found something of considerable...import. Perhaps you would like to come and investigate it with me?"

"At this hour?"

"As I said before, it seems to carry certain...um...weight."

The fact that Spock faltered was enough to get Jim out of bed. Of course, Spock had analysed his options beforehand, and had conceded that this was the best way to rouse his captain.

"Follow me."

Spock led Kirk back down the steamy hall, ignoring the "crap!" as Jim tripped over a daschund-sized red ant.

"Perhaps," Spock was inwardly smiling now, "it would be wise to allow you to enter first. You are, after all, a person of particular import."

"Of course I am."

Jim stumbled into the room, and Spock silently closed the heavy wood door after him. A few seconds later, he was rewarded.

"Good god! What the hell...AHHH!"

Spock was almost overcome by his desire to laugh, however he disciplined himself and opened the door. Kirk came barreling out, panting.

"Dammit, what the hell was in there?"

Spock kept his voice serene and emotionless. "I cannot imagine what was lurking in my room to have caused you so much distress, captain. However, I assure you that it was not there when I left. Perhaps you imbibed a little too much wine at the celebratory feast this evening?"

"Yeah..."

_**The next morning, Jim was wandering around, telling the whole crew the story of a giant beetle that was lurking in Spock's quarters, waiting to devour him. Later the following day, back on the ship, Spock enlightened the crew to his prank while Jim was downstairs checking at a meeting. Jim never did figure out why his crew was all in tears and laughing after he got back from that meeting. Perhaps they had missed him...**_

**Well, that chapter, I must say, was really hard to write. I got the idea from a **_**Calvin and Hobbes **_**comic strip, so I had to fill in a lot of blanks.**

**Reviews are treasured, and if any of you read my other story Starling, I'll be updating later this afternoon!**

**S4E**


	3. Chapter 3: Do Vulcans Snore?

**Hi again, you guys! Jeez, I have so many reviewers and followers I can't even write them all down anymore! This was a little idea that sort of popped into my head, and even though it's not really about an away mission, I didn't have anywhere else to put it, and didn't want to start up a whole new story.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3: Do Vulcans Snore?**

It was a relatively normal day aboard the Enterprise. The crew had visited a hostile planet with a peace treaty…and that hadn't gone over too well. Then, their main engine broke down and Scotty was too busy fixing up the phaser holes in the side of the ship (remnants of what the aliens thought of the peace treaty) to notice. Yes, this was about an average day aboard a federation starship.

Or, at least, this particular starship. Now, Spock was stuck in the captain's chair because he had suggested that Jim go take a moment to calm himself and stop scaring Chekov with his elaborate cursing vocabulary. That had been a bad, if logical, suggestion. Spock was exhausted to the point that he could no longer keep his eyes open.

Jim returned to the bridge a few moments later to find his whole crew standing in a semicircle around his chair. Sauntering over to join them, Jim's mouth fell open.

Spock was sprawled in the captain's chair, one arm dangling limply over the side, and his mouth was wide open. He was snoring softly.

"Quick, Chekov, get a video camera. We'll show everyone this when we get back to earth. Spock'll never live it down!"

Chekov came hurrying up, blonde curls bouncing, and the camera help triumphantly in one hand. Very carefully, muffling the camera's beeps with his shirt, Jim began the recording process.

…oOo…

When the crew of the Enterprise got back to Earth five years later, they showed the video at the "Welcome Home" ball hosted in their honour. Spock's girlfriend (or the Vulcan equivalent thereof), a prisoner they had rescued on a small planet who had quickly advanced in the ranks of Starfleet, named Nianor, dressed in beautiful pale green and orange, nearly spat up her punch. Afterwards, she claimed it was the one and only time she ever lost control of her well-kept Vulcan emotions. As for Spock himself, he was preoccupied with blushing green as a watermelon to the tips of his ears, patting Nianor on the back as the coughed and watching in a sort of fascinated horror as the rest of the crew fell over laughing. Later on, Chekov and Sulu were escorted to Starfleet Medical because they passed out from laughing too hard.

**Please tell me what you guys all think of this chapter. I had fun with the concept and I liked adding that little touch about Nianor. Special thanks goes out to elysenjazz, who shares my love of Calvin and Hobbes. You rock!**

**Reviews are adored and greatly appreciated.**

**S4E**


	4. Chapter 4: LOTR Halloween

**This story took a lot of time to come up with, but I figured hey, why not? A special thanks to elysenjazz, my friend and PM buddy.**

It was nearly Halloween, and deep down, Spock was very nervous. He understood it was a custom of Terrans to dress up, and he knew that Jim would make him do the same.

The morning before Halloween, Spock sat down in his secluded corner of the cafeteria and began nibbling at his toast. So far, no one had even breached the subject of Halloween to him, and he was deeply relieved.

At least, until Jim came over, wearing a smug expression on his face.

"Hey, Spock. You excited for Halloween tomorrow?"

"Not particularly. Excitement is illogical."

"But don't you feel like dressing up and eating chocolate?"

"Why do you ask?" Spock doesn't look up from the latest issue of _Scientifics Today_.

"Oh, ya know. I just thought you'd look pretty hot as someone from Lord of the Rings. Maybe an elf?"

"I do not understand what you find so amusing about me dressing up as a character from a classic series." Spock still hasn't looked up, be he can sense Jim laughing.

"Well, why not? How about if I dress up as Haldir, you'll go as Celeborn?"

"Since you outrank me, out would only be fitting for you to dress as Celeborn..."

"Ah HA! You just said "Yes"! But I want to go as Haldir, even though he dies in the movies."

Spock sighs.

"If we must."

...0o0...

The next day, everyone is wearing their costumes out onto the bridge. Uhura is Athena, which suits her nicely, and she has convinced Chekov and Sulu to go as Zeus and Poseidon. Kirk, true to his word, has dressed up as Haldir, and looks absolutely stunning. However, it is Spock that draws everyone's attention. He is wearing dark blue satin robes, a blond wig and a silver circlet on his brow. Quick as a flash, Kirk draws out his camera and takes a photo.

...0o0...

Right before the video of Spock snoring is shown at the Welcome Home Ball, five years later, the photo of Spock at Celeborn is put up on the screen. Everyone except Spock and Nianor, who are too in control to laugh, collapses into helpless giggles.

**Ok, that really wasn't my chapter. I'm sorry, it was just too hard to write. I'd really like some suggestions for another funny scenario for next chapter, I'm running out of ideas. Just review me with your suggestion!**

**Luv Ya,**

**S4E**


	5. Chapter 5: The Vulcan Nerve Pinch

**Hi there everyone! The idea for this chapter comes from the talented and amazing MusicalNinja15. Let's all give her a hand!**

**We're in the airport right now so this might be a little bit short. I apologize, but our plane is due in about twenty-five minutes. So please, enjoy, and perhaps instead of just following, do you think ya'll could tell me what you think of this story, too?**

**S4E**

**The Vulcan Nerve Pinch**

**By Spock4Enternity & MusicalNinja15**

Like usual, it was Jim's idea. Jim had a tendency to have ideas with good intent, but that always backfired. Spock tried not to blame him.

It was the end of Alpha Shift, and Spock was growing tired. All he wanted to do now was retire to his quarters for a few hours of quiet meditation before Beta Shift. But, as usual, he was waylaid. Sometimes by a new science officer requesting his opinion on something, sometimes by Chekov, who liked the fact that he spoke very eloquently in Russian. But this time it was neither science officer nor Chekov. It was a certain Jim Kirk.

"Hey there, Spock!" Jim fell into step next to him, sproinging along like he never got tired, which, Spock reflected, he didn't.

"I had a great idea! What if you taught us all the Vulcan nerve pinch so we could defend ourselves better against opponents who are stronger than us? It's perfectly logical, Spock, and it would be really fun to learn!"

"I am doubtful that, knowing the nature of this crew, you would not misuse your privileges."

Kirk looked shocked, and he made a puppy-dog face with his brilliant azure eyes. "Pleeeeze? I promise I'll talk to all the crew in advance about 'misusing their privileges'."

"I am adamant." Spock was not convinced that a talking-to by their captain would make the crew any more trustworthy.

"Please, at least consider it. I promise we won't get into any mischief!"

"If I must do so to please you, I will."

Then Spock turned and marched out of the turbolift. He had absolutely no intention of considering Jim's request. The crew was more likely to use the pinch on each other than on their enemies. And yet…Jim's request did have certain logic to it. Being able to use the Vulcan pinch on Romulans would have saved a lot of lives. Innocent lives. Spock wheeled around.

"Captain!"

Jim stopped and turned around, too. His eyes had lit up.

"So you'll do it? Oh, thanks so much, Spock!" he looked like and excited child on Christmas morning, just seeing his new presents.

"It is illogical and unwise to assume, captain. However, in this case, you are correct. I will teach you the nerve pinch, if only because it will save the lives of the innocent."

Kirk gave Spock a dazzling grin and sproinged off down the hallway.

…0o0…

Spock walked down the hall, wondering why everything was so quiet. Usually, there were at least a few ensigns loitering outside their rooms, chatting. Now there was nobody.

Spock entered the turbolift, and, stepping out a few seconds later, a shocking sight met his eyes. The whole bridge was sprawled out, fainted, on the floor. It didn't take long for Spock to figure out what had happened.

He felt a strange emotion swell in his chest, and, considering it for a second, determined the origin to be _amusement_. A sudden idea struck him, and, inspired, he riffled through Sulu's desk, where he knew the young pilot kept a camera. Finding this, Spock stepped back and took a panorama-style video of the bridge. Inwardly snickering slightly, he sent the video to one of his PADDs and set the camera safely back inside Sulu's desk. Then he sat down at his station, as though nothing had happened, and continued to work. It would be half an hour before they woke up.

…0o0…

It was the Welcome-Home Ball for the crew of the Enterprise. Jim, like usual, was the one who had requested a slide-show. The first picture came up, and the young captain gasped in surprise. It was a video from their first year together, when they had all nerve-pinched each other into oblivion, hoping that Spock wouldn't notice. Oh, God. He knew.

Jim turned and saw Spock calmly conversing with his Vulcan girlfriend Nianor, as though nothing had happened. Jim gaped in astonishment. How Spock had managed to keep that video quiet on the crowded ship for five years was beyond his understanding. However, Nianor seemed to have known, as she was not at all disturbed. It was the photo that came next that made Spock's ears go green, and Nianor's face go white with contained laughter.

**So…the next chapter will be about the next picture. I already have the idea, but I like making this whole welcome-home slideshow thing. And I like adding Nianor as Spock's impromptu girlfriend (even though I secretly envy her).**

**Please, I would really like reviews with your follows/favorites this time. Even though I know that you all like the story (otherwise, why would you be following it?), I want to have personal opinions on it, and maybe some ideas for future chapters.**

**Больше российских! Если вы читаете это, пожалуйста, ознакомьтесь на русском языке, это делает меня счастливым. Кроме того, как вы, ребята, нравится идея Спока в халявы уха (это моя следующая идея, но так, как вам говорят по-русски, вы получите инсайдерской информации, что только Английский ораторов не получите). Скажите, что вы думаете об этой идее, я полюбил бы услышать ваши образованные и удивительные идеи. Я открыт для всего, что может использоваться как рисунок для Добро пожаловать домой шар. ****Спасибо за чтение и держать его!**

**~ S**


	6. Chapter 6: Spock Wears Earmuffs

**Well, I here is your next amazing chapter! A very special call-out to starfire341, who managed to find me again. And yes, starfire, I will continue Shafts of Hope. My plotbunnies went to get their rabies shots and haven't returned yet. At least they won't be rabid any more XD. You're epic, so please continue reading and reviewing for me. Your reviews always make me smile.**

**And now, as promised to all Russian speakers, is a story about Spock, затычки для ушей.**

Another mission down to another planet. After the first 200 times, it all became rather monotonous to Spock. He ceased to really care where they were going. However, this time, there was something very different about the location. Unlike most planets, this one was similar to Delta Vega in climate, except even colder. The only reason they were going down there was to collect data, and as exciting (no, that wasn't quite the word, more like "envigorating) as this was for Spock, he did not want to leave the warmth of the ship.

His opinion only became stronger when he saw what they had to wear. Vulcans don't curse, but if Spock was anything but, he would have racked his brain for every curse in the universe. Surely, there must be a lot, especially when one is cursing a pair of earmuffs.

"Here," Kirk was practically beaming in joy, "We didn't have any more hats, so you can wear these, Spock."

Spock raised his ever-present eyebrow at the sight of the white fluffy earmuffs Jim was holding out to him.

"I do possess a hat for such times. It will take me one moment to retrieve it." Spock turned to go and retrieve his hat, but was stopped short by Kirk.

"We need to get down to the planet before a…um…blizzard blows in."

"There was no blizzard on my sensors, captain."

"It blew in really fast. Extenuating circumstances, huh?"

Spock sighs and holds out his hand. There is no other way around it, even though Jim is very obviously making everything up. Spock doesn't have the energy to argue right now.

"If there is no way around it, I will wear this…apparel."

Taking the earmuffs and placing them on his head, Spock is greeted by snickers and giggles from all present, even Uhura.

"Quick, Sulu!" Kirk is practically jumping out of his snowpants in excitement as Sulu whips out a camera and snaps a photo.

"Now," Kirk grins, "You can go and get your hat."

…0o0…

The next photo at the Welcome Home Ball: Entitled "Spock Wears Earmuffs". There is a moment of silence from all present before the entire hall erupts in uncontrollable laughter. The ever-present Nianor is nearly purple trying to contain her well-kept Vulcan laughter, clinging to her glass of punch like a dying swimmer to a life-belt. Spock's ears are green, and Kirk has fallen on to the floor, bringing down the beverage table on top of him.

**The ending of that was really hard to write. There's something about these "Ball Scenes" that's extremely difficult. **

**I'm now going to start taking suggestions for stories. These are my only rules…**

**Please, no requests that involve the cannon characters being gay (ex: Kirk/Spock, McCoy/Kirk etc).**

**I'm open to OC suggestions, but you have to be really specific. Tell me where they come from, height, physical appearance, hair and eye colour, what language they speak.**

**All suggestions need to involve humour, this is a humour story. This means no dark violence, horror or anything else falling under the genre "Unadulturated Fear".**

**Please be descriptive about your story line.**

**If you are reading this, PLEASE SUGGEST! It's up to yoou reviewing me your suggestions, I'm not psychic and I won't know your ideas unless you tell me!**

**Please, please pretty please leave me a review. I love getting reviews in my inbox, and no matter what you say, it makes me happy that you put in the time and effort to type something up about my story. The only thing I don't appreciate is pointless flaming. Constructive criticsm is welcomed with open arms, though!**

**Spock4Eternity**


	7. Chapter 7: Of Vulcans And Migraines

**Ok, I am truly sorry for the tremendously long wait between chapters. I had this wonderful disease called writer's block and couldn't think of anything. However, the next chapter is now written. Enjoy, please!**

**This suggestion came from the wonderful MusicalNinja15.**

"I assure you, Vulcans do not get migraines, as it is physically impossible for our blood vessels to dilate to the point that…"

"Ok, Spock, I get it. I was just wondering." Jim Kirk rolled his eyes and sauntered off in that manner of his that suggested superiorism. It bothered Spock when he did this.

Turning away, the first officer of the starship Enterprise strolled back to his quarters. He had paperwork to finish up, and on a day off, there was nothing better to do (exempting going to see Sulu teach Kirk how to fence, because Spock did _not _want to see that).

~oOo~

A few hours later, the paperwork was almost done. Sighing in a most un-Vulcan manner, Spock looked around and then placed his head between his hands. Once, he had heard Kirk say "speak of the devil, and he shall appear". Why did Kirk have to ask him about migraines? Because now he was getting one…

Someone tapped on the door to Spock's quarters, and wihtout his usual customary "enter", Spock pressed a button on the control panel that would allow whoever it was to come in.

"Hi Spock!" It was Jim, "I was wondering if you'd like to come and see my fencing lesson with Sulu…"

He trailed off, looking worried.

"Are you OK, Spock?"

"Yes, I am just experiencing a…headache."

Jim caught on remarkably fast, as usual. His type of person was extrememly perceptive to all the things one didn't want him to be perceptive to.

"Are you having a migraine? Yes, and you just finished telling me about how Vulcans never get migraines and how illogical my question was in the first place, and how the whole physi-whatever of Vulcans didn't allow them to experience even a headache because of the size of their blood vessels and the fact that there's copper in you blood which prevents anything from…"

Spock did his best to tune out, but every now and then he caught snippets of Kirk's incredibly annoying rant. Eventually, he couldn't take it anymore.

"You are causing the tips of my ears to experience discomfort." He sighs again.

This statement is met by a snort.

"The tips of your ears, eh? Just the tips! No wonder you're so crabby. I'd hate to have just the tips of my ears hurt to."

Kirk shakes his head on mock sympathy and walks out.

"I'm gonna go find McCoy so he can hypo that pains out of your ears. Just gimme a sec."

_Illogical._

**Ok, there was no ball in the chapter and I don't think it was as funny as the other ones. Sorry about that. Please keep on reviewing me your suggestions, without you guys I'd be at a loss for what to write. Thanks.**


	8. Chapter 8: Job Trade Day

**This is another chapter suggestion from MusicalNinja15. She gave me this one review that had enough ideas to keep me going for a century XD. Keep it up, everyone.**

**MusicalNinja15: I'm glad you thought this was funny, I know from experience it's always interesting to see how different people write an idea that you gave them. I also saw Star Trek: Into Darkness last night with my two sisters, Viktoriya and Alexandra. We all really enjoyed it and they're going to be setting up and FanFiction account soon where I'll be co-authoring some of their stories. Unfortunately, they'll all be in Russian because my sisters don't speak English. Feel free to use Google Translate, though!**

**Sass Trek: Heck, sometimes I use Google Translate for English. It's not cheating at all. Hope you enjoy this latest installment, and keep on reviewing.**

**And now, the eagerly anticipated next installment in **_**20 Eyebrow Lifts**_**...**

"Hi, everyone!" Captain James T. Kirk bounces happily on to the bridge, "I have great news for everyone this morning. I brought the act that some of you signed before the Starfleet High Command, and they agreed that it would be a good learning experience for everyone."

"Exactly what act are you referring to, Captain?" Spock can almost sense the mischeif, like an aura that envelopes Kirk when he's up to no good.

"Oh, the one that was asking if Starfleet officers could trade jobs for the day. I think I mentioned it to you a while back. Don't you remember?"

"I believe that we had a rather heated discussion about that particular act, Captain."

"Don't remind me, Spock," Kirk shuts his eyes, "Do you have any idea how sore your shoulder gets after said Vulcan does a nerve pinch on you?"

"It was necessary."

Kirk just rolls his eyes and takes a seat in his chair. He has already assigned everyone a partner with whom they are going to switch jobs, and Spock isn't going to like his.

~oOo~

"Godammit, man! Are you telling me that I have to trade jobs with that hobgoblin? I'm a doctor, not a scientist."

"Then it's a great learning opportunity for both of you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and tell Spock about the job-changing arrangements."

"I'll hypo you into oblivion for this someday, kid. Mark my words."

~oOo~

"So, McCoy. How's your day as a scientist and my first officer going?" Kirk smiles a little bit deviously,

"Fantastic, Jim. The hobgoblin wouldn't haul his arse off to Med Bay until he was positive that I knew how to control his station down to the last millimeter. I just showed him how to give someone a hypo and left."

Kirk takes a nervous step back.

"A _hypo_? You taught Spock how to give people _hypos_? Do you know what this means for me? The end of the world, Bones. He's going to track me down and hypo me to death."

"That was the idea."

"God, this is scaring me. I let you guys trade jobs for the day and all of a sudden you guys are ganging up on me? I can't even remember the last time you two agreed!"

"The last time we agreed was in private, and it was the agreement that someone needed to nerve pinch you out of it for a couple of days."

"This is hopeless."

_**Needless to say, there was never a "trade your job" day aboard the Enterprise ever again. Luckily for Jim, Spock hasn't hypoed him…yet.**_

**How was that? I found it pretty fun to write, because there are very few spots of common ground between Spock and Bones. It took me quite a while to find this one.**

**Please review me your ideas. I NEED SOME MORE!**

**BeautifulCrimsonChaos**

**P.S. The sequel to Starling will be up in a little bit. Please review and tell me what you think if you are a fan of Starling. It's going to be called The Lily of Darkness and will feature a few more appearances by Ishleen's best friend, Alhanna, and her crazy parents.**


	9. Chapter 9: Christmas Time Is Here

**I haven't updated this story for ages. I really do apologise to everyone who has been eagerly anticipating an update. I suggest you check out my other humour story, Telephone. I have a feeling you might enjoy it if you're reading this.**

**OneSideOfACoin: One review per chapter! Thank you so much for telling me what you thought of all my chapters, and please enjoy this one. I had a bit of writer's block, so I wasn't exactly sure what to write about, but I do hope you enjoy this pointless rubbish anyways. Thank you awfully once again for the support!**

**CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE**

There was a tree set up in the Mess Hall when Spock marched in on an early december morning. From what he remember of his Terran Tradition classes, this tree represented "Christmas", a holiday that was started as a religious even and involved much inebriation and the giving to celebratory gifts. Leave it to Jim to somehow retrieve a pine tree to decorate the Mess hall. Perhaps he had replicated it. Whatever the case, Spock intended to ask him.

And so it was that when Spock strode on to the bridge in the morning, he stopped by the captain's char and inquired as to where Kirk had found a tree. Most illogically, Kirk answered by grinning mysteriously and saying,

"I have my ways. By the way, are you going to join in the festivities? Tonight is Christmas Eve, you realise. Maybe you could, I dunno, get a present for everyone?"

"That would be illogical, but if it is part of my…"

"You say the word _duty _about thirty-five-thousand times a day as it is, Spock. Say it one more time and I'll make you take a rest day."

"Actually, captain, I say duty on average thirty four point one five times a day."

"Merry Christmas to you, too."

"Thank you."

"You're hopeless."

If given a chance to voice his opinion, Spock would immediately expostulate that Jim was the "hopeless" one, but unfortunately, his opinions were usually cut short by illogical remarks.

~oOo~

The next evening, Spock arrived in the mess hall for his evening meal sporting a green bruise the size of an apple. He had decided to have a word with Jim about the logical placements of Christmas Streamers on a Starship.

However, he was, in human terminology, blown away by the amount of festivities going on in the Mess. Underneath the Christmas tree, there were present piled up in teetering towers. Spock had managed presents for everyone, but had been unaware that he waa supposed to bring them.

``Hi, Spock! We're just opening presents now.`` Jim grinned like a toddler and waved his first officer over.

``I believe now would be an opportune moment to go and retrieve my own gifts for the crew.``

``Yes, you can go and get them.``

Spock strode back down to his quarters and returned a few moments later with sixteen little boxes of identical size and shape, all wrapped neatly in read wrapping paper. There was only one that was slightly larger, which he handed to Uhura.

``Thanks, Spock.`` she smiles sweetly at him and begins delicately opening her present. When she sees what is inside, her eyes widen.

``Oh, Spock! Where did you get these.``

``They are traditional Vulcan earrings made from Tanzanite, a rare gem found only on Vulcan. I thought you would enjoy them.``

``Oh, thank you so much!``

Uhura wraps her arms around Spock`s neck, smiling at the beautiful dark blue stones glimmering in the earrings.

Now the rest of the crew opens their identical boxes.

``Spock, you can`t be serious. Tribbles as a Christmas gift.``

``I assure you, Captain, I am perfectly serious. I believed that tribbles would offer both entertainment and learning experiences for the crew.``

``Oh, God, Spock. You have absolutely no idea what you`ve gotten yourself into.``

oOo

There is a photo of Spock, tribbles clinging to his hair, and Jim beside him, resurfacing amongst a sea of the fluffy creatures, shown at the ball.

**Please review for me. I would just like to clarify that the reason there are no question marks at the ends of the last few questions is my computor has these moments when the punctuation goes totally bonkers, and that happened to me in the middle of a writing spree. So ya. Sorry about that.**

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**

**BeautifulCrimsonChaos**


End file.
